


Under the windowsill

by TopazTeardrop



Category: IT - Stephen King
Genre: Alternate Universe - No Pennywise (IT), Confessions, Eddie Kaspbrak Loves Richie Tozier, First Kiss, Happy Ending, High School AU, High School Ages, Light Angst, Like 17, Love Confessions, M/M, Marijuana Use, Reddie, Richie Tozier Loves Eddie Kaspbrak, also theres no pennywise, also they both cry and thats your problem to deal with, bullying warning, rated teen for language and drug use, richie is a big ol stoner convince me otherwise, sprinkle in some internalized homophobia for flavor, substance use, theres no pennywise the real monster of it was homophobia, these boys are gay phil
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-29
Updated: 2019-10-29
Packaged: 2021-01-06 07:03:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,529
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21222530
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TopazTeardrop/pseuds/TopazTeardrop
Summary: Eddie goes out on his very first date and it breaks Richie's heart. Richie copes the best he can, but when Eddie comes knocking at his window after the date, Richie has a heard time keeping his feelings under wraps.





	Under the windowsill

**Author's Note:**

> Hey I'm gay repressed and stoned, he's a story about someone else whos gay repressed and stoned.

Richie inhaled the smoke long enough to feel like he might digest it. Ever so slowly, he pushed it up and out towards the window he was sitting under. As he exhaled, is throat started to burn and he ended up hacking up the rest of it. It felt more like vomiting than coughing, though. He coughed so hard tears came to his eyes and he had to fumble for his plastic water bottle. Of course, Richie had already been crying.

He’d been crying on and off for the last three hours. He’d spent most of it here, underneath his bedroom window smoking pot next to his discarded glasses, two crumpled water bottles and a boombox blaring loud and angry rock music. He’d smoked a lot, actually, enough so the music made his head pulse. His tears felt foreign as they ran down his cheeks, like they weren’t his. But they were.

Eddie was going on his first date tonight. One of the girls in their class, Tiffany, had asked him two days ago so tonight they went to a local restaurant. No one had seen it coming, and no one had seen Eddie going through with it either. But the losers we’re proud of him nonetheless. He was the first one to score a girl! None of the now-seventeen year olds had managed it yet and the losers were all very impressed Eddie had done it first. 

Richie had tried really, really hard to be happy for him and proud like the others. But ever since Tiffany asked, Eddie’s just been beaming. He’s been so excited about it, he never shut up about their plans. Listening to it made Richie’s skin crawl. He’d always known deep down that he’d never be the one to end up with Eddie, but when it was just the losers, Richie would let himself pretend they were together. He’d imagine their teases as lovers spats, and when Eddies hand brushed against his while they walked, it would be intentional. He had been an idiot for fooling himself like that. Now he has to deal with the heartbreak.

All day leading up to the date, Richie had this terrible gnawing feeling in his chest. Being near Eddie just made it worse. So when Eddie left their little after school losers hangout to change and pickup Tiffany, Richie went straight home. His house was empty, per the usual, and normally he would raid the fridge on a day like this. But he didn’t, opting to lock himself in his room, roll a joint and wallow in the weed fueled depression he quickly spiraled into. 

Of course Eddie said yes to a date, Richie thought. Of  _ course  _ Eddie was the first to get one. He’s incredible. Richie didn’t get how everyone wasn’t as in love with Eddie Kaspbrak as he was. Because Richie was in love with him. Had been for years. That’s why this whole date with Tiffany just took a hot knife to his guts. As a result, he was high and crying on the ground, blindly letting the base of Def Leppard pound all coherent thoughts out of his head. Now that his throat had calmed down, he put the almost finished blunt to his lips again. 

Richie was so lost in his weed, music and sadness he didn’t hear the knock on his window. He finally heard something when the window above his head slid open. Richie got so scared he choked on smoke. Dropping the blunt, he scrambled back from the intruder until he heard a familiar voice from the darkness.

“Richie?” Eddie poked his head into Richie’s room, looking around until he looked down and saw Richie on the ground. Richie squinted back, now that Eddie was somewhat lit by the room he could vaguely make out his face. He was still mostly blurry though, the weed and tears being the opposite of help to his already terrible vision. He couldn’t get an accurate read on Eddie’s expression, but he knew he was being stared at.

“Eddie?” Richie asked over the music, nearly having to shout. “Eds, what’re you doing here?” 

“Don’t call me tha-” Eddie was halfway over the windowsill before he looked up and saw the state Richie was in. “What the fuck happened to you?!” Eddie yelled over the music. Eddie ignored Richie’s question, instead rushing his climb through the window. In his haste he fell into the room, landing next to Richie’s boombox with an “Oomph!” Richie just watched him, petrified. His stoned mind couldn’t really make sense of it all.  _ Why is he here? Can he tell I’ve been smoking? Can he tell I’ve been crying?  _ The answer to the second two questions were fairly obvious to the sober mind, but that was something Richie did not currently possess. 

So Richie just watched Eddie pick himself up off the floor and slap at Richie’s boombox until he found the stop button. With a click the music was gone and the only thing Richie could hear was ringing in his ears. Trying to focus, he sat up and shoved his glasses back on before trying to brush himself off in case any ash had gotten on his hoodie. At the same time, Eddie was taking in his surroundings, putting together what Richie had been doing when he dropped in. It was a fairly common ritual for them, Eddie sneaking in to escape his mother. Richie had just thought that wouldn’t be necessary tonight.

As Eddie looked from boombox to the stubby blunt to Richie, he rephrased his question. “Rich, what’s going on?” 

“I could ask you the same fucking question.” Richie replied, angry at how scratchy his voice sounded. “What happened to your date? And please don’t tell me you came here for condoms.”

Eddie blinked a few times, looking down. Richie scooted closer to where Eddie now sat under the window. Now that he was wearing glasses, he could tell that Eddie’s nose and eyes were red. He had smeared tears under his eyes and a little bit of a sniffle. He had been crying too.

“Why are you crying?” Richie asked softly, fighting the urge to dry Eddie’s eyes. Eddie just stared at him pointedly. 

“Uh, I’m sorry, why are you crying?!” He accused, pointing a finger in Richie’s face.

_ Fuck. Caught.  _ Richie tried to find a lie out of it. “I’m not crying!” he defended. Not his best work.

“Yes you are!”

“No, I’m not! Plus I asked you first.”

Eddie just sighed and sat back, all his energy spent. He just didn’t feel like putting up a fight right now.

“It was a joke, Richie.”

Richie looked at him, not understanding. “What joke?” He asked, wondering if anything he’d said could be considered funny. Usually he would have, but given the circumstances he hadn’t had time to crack any jokes. 

Eddie shook his head. “Not you.” Eddie clarified, “The date with Tiffany. It was just a huge fucking laugh for her and her friends. They were watching and listening from the other table. Apparently Tiffany got dared to ask me out, and they all thought at some point I’d chicken out of the date.”

Oh. Richie’s heart sank. He didn’t want the date to happen in the first place, but it had and now Eddie was hurting. All because some assholes wanted a laugh. “Oh, god, Eddie…” He didn’t know what to do. He wanted to comfort Eddie but didn’t know how. His brain was a jumbled mess of emotions and ways to respond, none of which made sense.

Eddie just nodded, looking up to try to keep tears from spilling over. That did it for Richie, who swooped in and pulled Eddie into a tight hug. One hand on Eddie’s back, the other on his head, pulling him against Richie’s chest. Eddie snaked his arms around Richie’s midsection, clinging to him. Once Eddie was there he started to shake, and Richie just shushed and rocked him while he let it all out.

“It’s just so embarrassing!” He cried as Richie stroked his hair. “I feel like a total idiot, like who the fuck would fall for that?”

“You’re not an idiot, Eds” Richie consoled to the best of his ability. “Those girls are heartless bitches, but they know how fuck with people.”

Eddie nodded. “It just hurts.”

“Yea,” Richie sighed. “You really liked her.”

There was a minute of quiet sniffles, Richie just comforting Eddie while trying to keep his own feelings at bay. Eddie was basically in his lap now and Richie could feel his tears leaving a damp spot on his hoodie. There was a part of Richie that selfishly enjoyed having Eddie this close, but it was for all the wrong reasons. 

Eddie interrupted Richie’s thoughts. “No, I didn’t” He said thickly.

“What?”

“I didn’t like her all that much.” Eddie admitted.

Richie frowned, confused. Maybe he was high, but that didn’t make sense. “Then why go out with her?”

Eddie shrugged, still tucked under Richie’s chin. “I mean, why not, you know? I’ve ever been on a date in my life. Figured it was time to try.” It was a very un-Eddie answer. He was not one for trying new things. Once, Richie started using a new deodorant, and Eddie complained about it for a week. He was not the kind of person to say “Why not?” There was a deeper answer somewhere.

“It just looked like you were really into her.” Richie said. “You were really excited for this date, never shut the fuck up about it. Got the idea that maybe you liked TIffany.”

Eddie sighed against his chest, a sensation that made Richie’s spine tingle. “I guess I just liked that someone thought I was… I don’t know, desirable?” Eddie said, sounding a bit shameful. “That sounds weird, I don’t know. I didn’t like her, I just… really liked being liked.That’s the only reason I ever said yes.”

Richie’s heart was in his stomach. Eddie thought nobody liked him that way. That was so far from the truth, Richie thought, holding Eddie tighter.  _ I do.  _ He wanted to say.  _ I do, I'm right here and I love you.  _

He couldn’t say that. So he took the cowards route. “I’m sure plenty of people out there who like you.” was all Richie could manage. 

“Like who, Rich?” Eddie spat. Richie cringed at the bitterness in his words. “I’m a fucking weirdo, no one would like me. I’m a freak and a germaphobe and I’m such a wimp I get scared by my own goddamn shadow.”

“Don’t say that.” Richie consoled. “Don’t say that, c’mon Eddie that’s not true. You’re not a freak and you’re not a wimp either. You had the balls to go on that date tonight and try something new, I know how hard that is for you. You’re the bravest of us all.” 

Eddie sighed. “Thank’s Richie.” Was all he said. Richie just hummed and rocked Eddie a bit, doing his best to be there for him while trying to ignore the ache in his chest. 

Eddie pulled away suddenly, staring at Richie who froze. Eddie leaned back, taking his hands from around Richie but keeping them on his hips so he could hold Richie at a distance. Scared by Eddie’s sudden departure, Richie let his hands fall to the floor as he watched Eddie’s face. It was unreadable. Had Richie done something wrong? Did Eddie figure him out? He began to panic.

“What’s the matter?” Richie asked, scared out of his mind by the answer he would get.

“You.” Eddie said. 

“M-me?” Richie’s heart was pounding out of his chest. 

Yes, you!” Eddie exclaimed, exasperated. “You let me get all sidetracked I almost forgot you were crying too!”

Oh. Richie had almost forgotten about that too, but now that it was called to mind he could feel dried tears on his face. Most of everything else he could blame on the weed, red eyes and crumpled clothes and all that. The tear tracks would be hard to explain away, but he might as well try.

“I already told you I wasn’t crying.” Richie lied again, unable to meet Eddie’s eyes. He wasn’t buying it.

“Rich.” Eddie said firmly. “You’re eyes are bloodshot.”

Richie faked a laugh that wasn’t very convincing. “I’m high as balls, Kaspbrak, that kind of goes with the territory.”

“Yea I know, you reek.” Eddie snapped back at him. “But I know the difference between high and crying, dumbass. So quit lying to my face and tell me why you’re upset?”

Richie swallowed and looked down, knowing in his state he couldn’t look Eddie in the eyes and lie again. “Let’s just focus on your problem tonight, Eds.” Richie suggested. “Mine can wait.” Richie fully intended to change the subject and never bring it up again, but Eddie wouldn’t let it go. 

“My problem? My problem is a stupid prank that was probably as much fun for her as it was for me.” Said Eddie, “And I don’t feel like giving those motherfuckers the satisfaction of dwelling on it.” Richie’s mouth twitched into a brief smile.  _ There’s that spitfire I love. And he thinks he’s not brave. _

“So maybe I’d rather deal with your problem” Eddie continued, “And shit, I don’t even know what it is! Which is freaking me out because you can’t keep your dumb mouth shut about anything, which makes me think it’s really bad.” He stared at Richie, who was making a point of not meeting his eyes. “Shit, is it really that bad?”

Richie didn’t know what to say to that. His mind was spinning because goddamn, he was already so emotionally raw from the whole day that this conversation was proving to be too much. Or maybe he was too high to process any of this. Either way he was really overwhelmed and couldn’t stop his eyes from welling up, which did not go unnoticed by Eddie, who panicked.

“Shit!” Eddie repeated frantically. He sat forward to reach for Richie, but stopped just short of him, unsure of what to do. 

Richie just stared into his lap as the tears started to fall. He couldn’t stop them; it had all become too much. He’d been quietly nursing his heartbreak all day, and once he was home alone he’d let his guard down. But now Eddie was here, asking him why, and how could he help, and trying to comfort him when Richie felt that was his job, and just being so god damned sweet he couldn’t take it. 

His shoulders started to shake as a few tears turned into full blown crying. He felt like a little kid the way he kept making stupid gasping noises as he cried, still actively trying to get them to stop. Eventually, Eddie took his hands and held them tight, running his thumbs over Richie’s knuckles. It was a small gesture, but it was enough for richie to collect himself. 

“S-sorry.” Richie mumbled, using his shoulder to wipe his nose so he didn’t have to let go of Eddie. 

“Don’t be.” Eddie said, pausing to chew his lip. “So it is that bad then?”

Richie just shrugged, but when Eddie squeezed his hands as if to say ‘be honest,’ he changed his answer to a small nod. 

“What’s going on, Rich?” he asked. It almost sounded like a plea. “Just talk to me.”

Richie took a shuddering breath, trying to weigh his options and find a solution that didn’t hurt Eddies feelings. He got the feeling that if he refused to talk again, Eddie would drop it. But he could picture how let down Eddie would look, and he didn’t want that. He could lie and make something up, but Eddie would be able to tell if he were lying. Final option, he could tell the truth. It was such a daunting idea in Richie’s mind, but there was a small voice in the back of his head urging him to do it. When Richie first realized he loved Eddie, that voice had been so noisy every day until Richie managed to drown it out, squashing it so he barely heard the urgings anymore. Maybe the weed revived it, or at least made Richie more inclined to listen to it. 

“It was the date.” He said plainly, before he could stop himself.

Eddie frowned. He was confused, and reasonably so. “The date?”

Richie nodded. “Yea. With you and Tiffany.” 

“My date is what bothered you this much?” Eddie clarified. Richie nodded as Eddie processed the information before his shoulders dropped, letting out a small ‘oh.’

“I think I get it.” Eddie said, sounding a little guilty. Richie’s head snapped up, looking at Eddie for the first time in awhile. 

“You do?” Richie asked in a panic. 

“Yea. you’re into Tiffany and I went out with her like an asshole.” Eddie stated. “I should have known too, you were so weird about it when I got asked-”

“I’m not into Tiffany.” Richie interrupted, spitting the name like it was a particularly foul curse. 

Eddie looked taken aback. “Then why-”

“I’m in love with you, you fucking idiot!” Eddie just stared at him for his outburst, slightly slack-jawed. When he didn’t say anything, Richie cursed again before swooping in to place a solid kiss on Eddie’s lips. 

It was brief, but it was by no means a peck. When their lips met Richie felt like he was touching a livewire, lightning shooting down his spine and out to his fingers. The electricity was a garbled load of nerves and adrenaline, overpowering any coherent thought Richie might have had. All he knew was that he was kissing Eddie, long enough for Eddie to pull away. But he didn’t. Eventually the impulse wore off and Richie pulled away, freaked out by his own actions. He looked at Eddie, searching his face for disgust or rejection, but Eddie just stared back at him, dumbfounded. He looked like he was short-circuiting.

“I love you.” He repeated, watching Eddie for any form of reaction. “And I’m sorry because that definitely makes things weird and I should not have done that-” This time, Eddie cut him off with a swift kiss. 

Richie blinked before closing his eyes and relaxing into the kiss, this one lasting much longer than the first. It was also softer and a little slower as Richie hesitantly began to move his lips. His heart burst in his chest when Eddie reciprocated the movement, the two of them moving in tandem against the other. After a few moments, Eddie pulled away, but staying close to Richie so their noses weren’t more than a few inches apart. 

“I love you too.” Eddie said quietly. The obviousness of the statement was so funny to Richie he couldn’t keep himself from chucking before throwing his head back in a loud obnoxious laugh, which made Eddie pout.

“Oh, that’s fucking funny to you?” He whined as Richie just shook his head, still laughing. 

“I’m sorry Eds,” He apologized, not sounding sorry at all. “It’s just a little ironic, you know? The whole situation.” 

Eddie tried to maintain a frown, but it slowly morphed into a smile. “Yea, I guess it is.” He said before shoving Richie. “But don’t call me that!”

Richie just smiled at him, feeling lighter than he had in awhile. “You know you love it.” He jabbed. 

Eddie just smirked. “Maybe I do." he said, before grabbing Richie’s collar and kissing him hard. Neither of them were particularly good at kissing, the force of the kiss made their teeth click together weird. But it set fireworks off in Richies chest and he was flooded with a giddy euphoria. Eddie was kissing him. Kissing him! Rather pertinently, too. As they kissed, Eddie abandoned the collar of Richie’s hoodie, pting to run his fingers from his neck into his curly hair, twisting his fingers through the knots. The sensation made Richie smile into the kiss as his hands found a home on Eddies hips. It felt right. They kissed like that for a while, Richie working up the nerve to get a bit playful by nipping at Eddie’s lips. After a moment, eddie pulled away again and pressed their foreheads together. He was out of breath.  _ That’s so fucking cute.  _

“Rich, would you do me a favor?” He asked. 

“Anything.” Richie blurted. His answer made Eddie scoff.

“You huge fucking sap.” he teased, slapping Richie’s chest. “Go brush your teeth, you taste like pot.”

Richie grinned. “Sir yes sir!” He said getting to his feet before reaching out to help Eddie up. “But I’m going to need you to check and make sure I did it right.”

Eddie shook his head, grinning as he accepted Richie’s hand. “If you do it right, I’ll do more than check.”

Richie’s eyes went wide. He stared at Eddie, who was just a bit proud of himself. His lips were pinker than normal, his hair mussed and cheeks flushed. Richie’s chest swelled, he was so goddamn in love with this beautiful boy.

“Baby, I will fucking floss.”

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you enjoyed! If you like this please comment and let me know, they are my motivation to write. Also if you have suggestions for any fandom or for stuff like this, go over to my writing blog! I take suggestions there all the time so check it out, @topaztales on tumblr, and @Topazteardop is my main.  
Thanks for reading!


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